I remember the day I first landed in Mumbai. It was during my summer internship. I had never before been to a real metro. On a stuffy Tuesday morning, I stood at the VT and looked around. It was bewilderment at first, curiosity next, but the lingering feeling I was left with was mostly that of being like a grain of sand on the beach.
The whole platform gave an impression of some mammoth sized monolithic machine, with a million big and small parts, each rolling into another...There is no way anything or anybody can simply stand and look... one has to morph into some part of the machine and continue grinding... or be ground!
It is probable that I took a very negative view of the situation. In any case I began abhorring the swarm of humanity and secretly resolved to never make this place my home. A few years later, when I began visiting the city more often, meeting with people and growing up in some sense of the word that I began to think about what had happened back then. Now, I need to ask myself some uncomfortable questions.
What was it about the rushing crowds that made you uneasy? Did you get hurt in any way?
No, it wasn’t that. It was just an overwhelming feeling...all the thousands of men and women, so mingled without trace, each must have a story at least as interesting as mine, but to me, standing over there, it didn’t matter. Each of them just made up the - "crowd". Scary part being, I too made up the "crowd" to each and everyone of them. I could be the Princess of Timbuktu or an empty pushcart standing in a corner, how did it matter?
So, what do you think of Self worth? Does it get affected by factors within or without?
Oh, now you are tricking me into answers. Do you want me to say that, on that day standing at the platform, I began having doubts about my self worth?
Hey, I am the one questioning, so you don’t question back. What got you so defensive about the self worth part?
Come on...let’s come back to the topic. Honestly, I did feel for a moment, the way we feel on starry summer nights. You know, when you just lie down on your back in terrace or a courtyard, and look at the millions and millions of worlds within worlds? That feeling when you try to imagine the whole universe spread out for your eyes, our galaxy's place in the scheme of things the solar system, this blue planet of ours, our continent, country, state, village / city / town, and finally you lying down on your back and looking? I have felt a shiver down my spine on such occasions. But I have felt something else too... the beauty of the whole design, the complete poise and perfection with which every piece of matter or no-matter (whatever they call it) is related to each other. Well I am a believer in Intelligent Design...what I saw on the platform was spine chilling in its own way, but I have failed to see the beauty there in.
This means either of the two things - Either your belief of Intelligent Design is flawed (Humans from big cities don’t fit into it?), or you are still making excuses for an overinflated ego...
Hey, now you are not being very polite are you? What is wrong about wanting to have a distinct identity? Haven’t a lot of great people fought for it? Do you forget Nietzsche - "The Noble Soul has reverence for itself"?
There you are again! Quoting people out of context… The noble soul has reverence for itself, and its greatness doesn’t depend on the masses. Why do you fear that mingling your body with the bodies of rest of humanity makes the greatness of your soul any lesser? Or makes the greatness of any soul (even that of other individuals of the "crowd") any lesser?
Well people, I am exhausted!!! whaddya think...?
The whole platform gave an impression of some mammoth sized monolithic machine, with a million big and small parts, each rolling into another...There is no way anything or anybody can simply stand and look... one has to morph into some part of the machine and continue grinding... or be ground!
It is probable that I took a very negative view of the situation. In any case I began abhorring the swarm of humanity and secretly resolved to never make this place my home. A few years later, when I began visiting the city more often, meeting with people and growing up in some sense of the word that I began to think about what had happened back then. Now, I need to ask myself some uncomfortable questions.
What was it about the rushing crowds that made you uneasy? Did you get hurt in any way?
No, it wasn’t that. It was just an overwhelming feeling...all the thousands of men and women, so mingled without trace, each must have a story at least as interesting as mine, but to me, standing over there, it didn’t matter. Each of them just made up the - "crowd". Scary part being, I too made up the "crowd" to each and everyone of them. I could be the Princess of Timbuktu or an empty pushcart standing in a corner, how did it matter?
So, what do you think of Self worth? Does it get affected by factors within or without?
Oh, now you are tricking me into answers. Do you want me to say that, on that day standing at the platform, I began having doubts about my self worth?
Hey, I am the one questioning, so you don’t question back. What got you so defensive about the self worth part?
Come on...let’s come back to the topic. Honestly, I did feel for a moment, the way we feel on starry summer nights. You know, when you just lie down on your back in terrace or a courtyard, and look at the millions and millions of worlds within worlds? That feeling when you try to imagine the whole universe spread out for your eyes, our galaxy's place in the scheme of things the solar system, this blue planet of ours, our continent, country, state, village / city / town, and finally you lying down on your back and looking? I have felt a shiver down my spine on such occasions. But I have felt something else too... the beauty of the whole design, the complete poise and perfection with which every piece of matter or no-matter (whatever they call it) is related to each other. Well I am a believer in Intelligent Design...what I saw on the platform was spine chilling in its own way, but I have failed to see the beauty there in.
This means either of the two things - Either your belief of Intelligent Design is flawed (Humans from big cities don’t fit into it?), or you are still making excuses for an overinflated ego...
Hey, now you are not being very polite are you? What is wrong about wanting to have a distinct identity? Haven’t a lot of great people fought for it? Do you forget Nietzsche - "The Noble Soul has reverence for itself"?
There you are again! Quoting people out of context… The noble soul has reverence for itself, and its greatness doesn’t depend on the masses. Why do you fear that mingling your body with the bodies of rest of humanity makes the greatness of your soul any lesser? Or makes the greatness of any soul (even that of other individuals of the "crowd") any lesser?
Well people, I am exhausted!!! whaddya think...?
2 comments:
Self worth comes from within.
Mumbai...lived there for around 2 years. A city you miss once you are out of it. A city you get so used to, that the crowd is like a nagging mom. It hurts when you are with it but miss it once you are away from it.
Mumbai is a land of opportunities because it is land of people. Despite of all sort of anti muslim or anti non-marathi or anti XYZ agitations, the muslims, the non-marathis or the XYZs havent stopped from flocking to this Metro. The sole reason for this being that the city is a homeland of hard work, sincerety and passion. A passion to achieve thst little dream in your life. For one it might be building a palatial house back home in Kerala, for the other education to his children or to someone else it could simply be a day's meal.
What inspires me and draws me to this city is the passion and perseverence of each and every person in the 'crowd' to follow his dream. Each and every part of the machinery has a goal of its own and a place in the entire machine. There is a purpose in every walk and a dream in every eye.
Salaaam Bombay
Thats what the rational vasu has been chiding me about... but somehow this isnt particularly about Mumbai, may be its about being comfortable in my own skin...Why even I should be consiously thinking abou that is a question i ask myself often... thanks for the comments
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